This is a Fanfic that @KivaJohnsAdkins from twitter wrote. It is a continuation of Stephenie Meyer's book Midnight Sun. The story is of the twilight book but in Edwards eyes and thoughts. She did a fantastic job for finishing it for us in her view. I enjoyed it very much and I know you will. This is part of it. I chose this part beacuse it happends to be my favorite part in Twilight (book!!!) and she did a wonderful job capturing it from the original Twilight Book. Please read and comment!
14. CONFESSIONS
I stood with my eyes closed, the sun beating down on me for
what seemed like an eternity. My apprehension over Bella’s
reaction made the seconds seem to tick by even slower. Finally,
her beautiful voice sang to me, like an angel.
“You’re beautiful,” she said as though the sight of me had
literally taken her breath away. “It’s like…diamonds.”
Her words touched me in a way I never anticipated. She was
not appalled at my appearance. She thought I was beautiful. I
opened my eyes and we slowly made our way towards each other. It
seemed like it always had with Bella, magnetic – as though we
were being drawn towards each other.
I reached for her hands and pulled her close to me. We just
stood, looking into each other’s eyes and holding each other’s
hands, with our fingers intertwined. The coldness of my skin did
not make her pull away. Instead, her heart began to race,
pumping her blood throughout her body, bringing her scent to the
surface. My throat burned but I had no desire to leave her side.
I could do this. I could stay this close to her. I wanted to be
this close to her.
We didn’t speak as we moved to the center of the meadow,
where we laid down beside each other. This was about moments,
not words. She wasn’t running away and neither was I. I realized
then what I known all along, we were running towards each other.
When I wasn’t worried about what Bella was thinking I could
focus on what she felt. Her face was so easy to read when she
was relaxed. Today I had no secrets and she had no fears.
I enjoyed the meadow as always, relaxing in the middle of
it, feeling the warmth from the sun as it beat down on me – and
now the warmth of Bella’s skin on mine. I lay with my eyes
closed, singing to myself as I frequently did. It was so low to
Bella’s human ears that she asked me what I was doing when my
lips moved without releasing a sound. I explained it to her. The
meadow was my one special place where I got to be myself, with
This is a work of fanfiction
by Kiva JohnsAdkins
based on Stephenie Meyers’ Twilight Series. (No
copyright infringement intended). Page 41
no pretenses or worries. I hadn’t even shared this place with my
family. Bella was the first and now it was even more special
because, just like that, it had become our meadow.
Occasionally, I would open my eyes to make sure Bella was
still there, although I could smell her and was certain she
would not leave. She sat, with her chin on her knees, watching
me – always smiling. I imagined it was, for her, like it was for
me when I watched her sleep at night.
There was a slight breeze throughout the day, which twisted
her hair around her face and moved the blades of grass back and
forth as though each one was dancing to the music I sang.
Finally Bella reached out and touched me. With one finger
she brushed the back of my hand, which I laid next to her. The
feeling of her touch was electric. I wanted to grab her and pull
her close and kiss her with all the passion I felt but I knew
that she was too delicate for that. I could hurt her easily and
while I was exhibiting great self-control I did not feel I was
capable of getting that close to her just yet. For now I would
settle for the current of energy that surged through my body
every time her warm skin brushed against mine.
“I don’t scare you?” I asked her. I just couldn’t bring
myself to believe she was not frightened by me – that she was
choosing to be her with me and not staying as my captive.
“No more than usual.” She answered simply.
That made me smile, wider than I typically did. Bella made
me smile more in the past few months than I had since I was born
into this life. I was always careful to control my smile,
cautious about showing my teeth. Today I held nothing back. I
smiled a wide grin and I knew my teeth, the deadliest weapon in
my repertoire, were bared.
She didn’t pull away. Instead, she stretched out her hand,
tracing the contours of my arm with her fingertips. I was
shocked that I was able to control myself around her. Feeling
her touch was the single greatest experience I had ever known. I
closed my eyes again. With each sense that was taken away,
another was heightened. If I could not see her touching me I
This is a work of fanfiction
by Kiva JohnsAdkins
based on Stephenie Meyers’ Twilight Series. (No
copyright infringement intended). Page 42
could feel it that much more. I felt her fingers tremble as they
ran across my skin. I remained perfectly still because I didn’t
want to frighten her. I didn’t want her to stop touching me –
ever.
“Do you mind?” she asked.
I kept my eyes closed as I answered her in a purr. “No. You
can’t imagine how that feels.”
She continued to trace my skin, my muscles, and my veins
with her fingers. She reached to turn my hand over and I quickly
flipped it over for her. I wasn’t concentrating on moving at
human speed and the sudden movement seemed to frighten her
because her hand froze on my arm.
“Sorry. It’s too easy to be myself with you.” I murmured.
I relinquished control to Bella and she lifted my hand,
turning it back and forth, watching the shimmer of the sun on my
skin, even holding it closer to her face. I opened my eyes and
noticed the prismatic colors bouncing off my skin and dancing
across her face. It was beautiful.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” I whispered. I had to know
what all of this meant to her. “It’s still so strange for me,
not knowing.”
After reminding me that was the way everyone else felt all
the time she answered my question. “I was wishing I could know
what you were thinking…”
“And?” I asked, sensing there was more to it than she had
said.
“I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And
I was wishing that I wasn’t afraid.”
I was so certain that she did not feel fear today. How
could I have gotten that wrong? I didn’t want her to be afraid
of me. I whispered to her, “I don’t want you to be afraid.” I
hoped she could hear the sincerity in my voice, that not only
did I not want her to be afraid, but she had no reason to be
This is a work of fanfiction
by Kiva JohnsAdkins
based on Stephenie Meyers’ Twilight Series. (No
copyright infringement intended). Page 43
afraid. I would never hurt her and I would never let anyone else
hurt her.
“Well, that’s not exactly the fear I meant, though that’s
certainly something to think about,” she replied.
I quickly propped myself up on my right elbow, leaving my
left hand in hers. What fear was there if it was not a fear of
me? Again, Bella Swan left me perplexed.
“What are you afraid of, then?” I whispered, almost begging
her to explain this human emotion to me.
Instead of answering me, she moved in closer to me,
breathing in deeply. It seemed she was breathing in my scent.
That caught me off-guard. My self-restraint throughout the day
was because I was in control and had anticipated every movement
between us. This was not something I had anticipated.
I quickly jumped to my feet and went to the edge of the
meadow, in the shade of a fir tree. I stared at her in total
shock. How could I learn to deal with this – with her
unanticipated movements? If only I could read her mind, I would
know when she was going to do things like that.
She looked stunned, hurt by my sudden departure.
“I’m sorry Edward,” she whispered. Even though I was twenty
feet away from her I could hear her just as though she were
whispering in my ear.
“Give me a moment,” I answered, hoping she could hear me.
She sat perfectly still so I was certain she did. I needed a
moment to collect myself.
After several seconds I walked back slowly to her, slower
than even my normal human speed. I stopped a few feet from her
and sat down facing her, with my legs crossed. She never quit
staring into my eyes. I think she was searching for an
explanation for my behavior. She seemed to blame herself when,
in fact, it was my lack of self-control.
This is a work of fanfiction
by Kiva JohnsAdkins
based on Stephenie Meyers’ Twilight Series. (No
copyright infringement intended). Page 44
“I am so very sorry.” I paused for a moment, searching for
the right words to explain my dilemma to her. “Would you
understand what I meant if I said I was only human?”
She smiled slightly, not sure if I was serious or joking.
She nodded her hand that she understood. Again, her heart raced
and the adrenaline running through her veins made her smell
mouth-watering.
I had to somehow make her understand how dangerous I was to
her so she would not be so trusting with her actions. She had to
help me protect her from myself.
“I’m the world’s best predator, aren’t I? Everything about
me invites you in – my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I
needed any of that!” I bounded to my feet, circling the meadow
at vampire speed, standing still under the same tree I just
retreated to. Why couldn’t this one person resist me?
I laughed bitterly and continued to warn her. “As if you
could outrun me.”
I then quickly reached out to the spruce next to me and,
with one hand, ripped a thick branch from it, balanced it on my
hand and threw it with all my force and speed. It crashed
against another tree and splintered, shaking the tree that took
its impact.
While she was still reeling from the site of my super-human
anger I made my way back to her, standing two feet from her
before she knew I had moved.
“As if you could fight me off,” I sneered and whispered. I
wanted her to fear me but I did not want to scare her. As I
looked at her, in all of her human frailty and innocence, I
began to calm.
“Don’t be afraid,” I said seductively. “I promise…I swear
not to hurt you.” At this point I wasn’t sure if I was trying to
convince her or myself.
I moved slowly closer to her, to convince her through my
actions, that I meant her no harm. “Don’t be afraid.” I said
This is a work of fanfiction
by Kiva JohnsAdkins
based on Stephenie Meyers’ Twilight Series. (No
copyright infringement intended). Page 45
softly again, as I sat closely to her, our faces just inches
apart.
“Please forgive me,” I asked with true sincerity. I had not
behaved as the gentleman I had tried so hard to be throughout my
existence. “I can control myself. You caught me off guard. But
I’m on my best behavior now.”
I waited for her response and she still did not speak.
I had to lighten the mood. I winked at her and re-assured
her. “I’m not thirsty today, honestly.”
She got the joke. My attempt at humor made her laugh,
though with some hesitancy.
“Are you all right?” I asked, gently and slowly moving my
hand back into hers. Could she see how sorry I was?
She looked at my hand then into my eyes. I believed she
understood. I hoped she did. She looked back at my hand and
resumed tracing the lines in the palm of my hand with her
fingertip. She was showing me she was not afraid. She then
looked back at me and smiled timidly.
Her smile reassured me and I beamed widely at her. I could
tell by the look on her face I was dazzling her. I wanted to be
certain Bella saw the gentleman in me the rest of the afternoon
– no more monster.
“So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?” I asked.
“I honestly can’t remember.” She answered.
I hoped my terrible display of fury had not wiped away her
memories of the beautiful day we had shared up until that point.
I wanted her to leave her with good memories. I smiled at her
like a school boy that had played an awful prank on the teacher
he had a crush on.
“I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides
the obvious reason.”
“Oh, right.”
This is a work of fanfiction
by Kiva JohnsAdkins
based on Stephenie Meyers’ Twilight Series. (No
copyright infringement intended). Page 46
“Well?”
She looked back down at the palm of my hand, doodling on it
with her fingertip like she did with her notebook in Biology.
Seconds ticked by and she did not respond. Was she frightened
now? I didn’t think so but I could not be sure without the
ability to read her thoughts.
“How easily frustrated I am,” I said to her. She looked at
me with sudden sympathy, as though a light switch had suddenly
been flipped on. She smiled a comforting smile, indicating that
she understood this was new to me as well. Neither one of us had
ever had to walk the tightrope of a relationship outside of our
speices.
Suddenly she found the courage or strength to answer me
although she never raised her eyes to mine as she spoke. “I was
afraid…because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can’t stay with
you. And I’m afraid that I’d like to stay with you, much more
than I should.”
“Yes,” I agreed. “That is something to be afraid of,
indeed. Wanting to be with me. That’s really not in your best
interest.”
She frowned when I said that. By now I was certain that she
knew that truth but she was unwilling to let herself be
convinced of anything other than my goodness.
“I should have left long ago,” I sighed. “I should leave
now. But I don’t know if I can.” I felt so selfish for keeping
her in constant danger because I could not do the right thing.
She stared down again. “I don’t want you to leave.”
This was such a frustrating point of contention between us.
“Which is exactly why I should. But don’t worry. I’m essentially
a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I
should.”
“I’m glad.” She smiled.
I gently pulled my hand away from her and responded with a
harsh edge. “Don’t be!” She seemed confused again. My mood
This is a work of fanfiction
by Kiva JohnsAdkins
based on Stephenie Meyers’ Twilight Series. (No
copyright infringement intended). Page 47
changes were hard enough for me to tolerate. I could not imagine
her confusion and frustration with them.
I looked into the forest and said more to her than I ever
wanted to have to, but I did have to. “It’s not only your
company I crave! Never forget that. Never forget I am more
dangerous to you than I am to anyone else.”
She seemed to be thinking deeply about my words. By the
look on her face I could they were not reaching her the way I
hoped.
“I don’t think I understand exactly what you mean – by that
last part anyway.” She said.
I looked back at her, away from the forest and smiled. “How
do I explain?” I thought for a second. “And without frightening
you again…hmmmm.” Without thinking about it, I placed my hand
back in hers, held it tightly and looked at them together.
“That’s amazingly pleasant, the warmth.” I sighed.
I continued to ponder the proper way to explain the
situation to her. “You know how everyone enjoys different
flavors?” She nodded with understanding and I continued. “Some
people love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry?”
She nodded again. The look in her eyes indicated she was
wondering where I was going with this. At that point, I was
wondering where I was going with this.
“Sorry about the food analogy – I couldn’t think of another
way to explain.” I apologized.
She smiled and I smiled back.
“You see, every person smells different, has a different
essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale
beer, he’d gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished
to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let’s say you placed
in that room a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest,
finest cognac – and filled the room with its warm aroma – how do
you think he would fare then?”
This is a work of fanfiction
by Kiva JohnsAdkins
based on Stephenie Meyers’ Twilight Series. (No
copyright infringement intended). Page 48
We sat together, silently, looking into each other’s eyes –
trying to read each other’s thoughts.
I spoke first. I was having so much difficulty finding the
right analogy.
“Maybe that’s not the right comparison. Maybe it would be
too easy to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our
alcoholic a heroin addict instead.”
She smiled brightly. She seemed to be amused with my effort
to explain. “So what you’re saying is, I’m your brand of heroin?”
I smiled as soon as those words came out of her mouth. She
got it. She found a way to say exactly what I had been
struggling to make clear. “Yes, you are exactly my brand of
heroin.”
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