Thursday, April 15, 2010

"Bittersweet Serendipity" The Beautiful Nightmare


The next day was no better. My boss sent home for not looking professional. I didn’t even, I knew I was a mess, so I took the opportunity and went home. When I got there I noticed someone sitting on the top of the steps and as I got closer I noticed who it was. My best friend Jane, who I have been avoiding since the day Rob left me. "I called your work and they said you went home, where you have been?” I started up the stairs and responded "I have been avoiding everyone, I’m sorry but you didn’t have to come." I really was hoping to just be alone and cry but now that was put on hold. "Well what was I going to do? You weren’t answering my calls or text messages, I was worried" she said. We walked to my door and I let her in. My apartment was a mess, since Rob left I haven’t had the strength to clean or do anything. There were magazines on the table scattered and plates and cups on top of them. There were blankets, socks and pillows on the floor. I haven’t slept in my bed in two days. I felt that it was too much a reminder of him. The couch was covered in chip bags, beer bottles, soda cans, and tons of tissue and napkins. "I have been busy" I said to Jane. She stopped in the middle of the small living room and looked at the mess that was before her. "What is going on with you Marissa? Why is this place a mess?" she asked. I went straight to the kitchen to grab a beer but when I opened the refrigerator there wasn’t any left. I would have to go the market and get some more. I slammed the refrigerator door hard and said "Nothing Jane. I haven’t had the time to clean I have been busy ok?" I walked back into the front room and found her folding the blankets. I looked at her and started to get annoyed. "Something is very wrong, you look like you came back from hell" she said. I walked up to her and snatched the blanket from her hands and I started yelling at het "I CAN CLEAN MY OWN DAMN SHIT, WHY ARE YOU HERE? TO LECTURE ME ON HOW I LIVE?" She stared at me as I stomped to the hallway. "IF YOU’RE HERE TO JUST GIVE ME SHIT JANE, PLEASE FUCKING LEAVE BECAUSE I DON’T NEED TO HEAR IT!" I continued yelling as I walked down the hall to my bed room. I stopped in front of the door and put my hand on the handle. She walked towards me watching as I stood there not moving. She was silent for a long moment. Sensing something was wrong. I dropped the blankets on the floor and ran towards the bathroom "I can’t go in there" I said. I slammed the bathroom door behind me and sat on the floor holding my knees crying. Jane knocked on the door "Marissa? Are you ok?" she asked me. I didn’t say anything. Visions of Rob's face ran through my head of the night he was here. How he kissed me so sweetly and gently. Like I could break if he touched me wrong. His hand running up and down my body. His hair between my fingers. I can still feel his breath on my neck. How he held me tight to his body and the feeling of being safe there. I snapped out of it when Jane knocked again.


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